Toughen Up, Buttercup

This is the kind of spur of the moment blog I wonder if I should censor or provide a disclaimer beforehand for any potential fragile readers – because I’m going to be examining a very common “trigger” for many people and this includes myself (to be honest). The topic I want to scratch the surface of today is “sitting with pain”.

There are just so many side arguments bubbling up on the peripheral; I hear them immediately.

Many people these days are immediately inflamed by the mere suggestion of exposing themselves (or an other) to discomfort. Some are even pushing this agenda to such an extreme as to redefine uncomfortable but normal stressors as “harmful” to mental health or potentially provoking drastic results like suicide.

It makes me wonder what the world would look like if all of us chose to hide from our hard truths, never offered up that much needed dose of tough love or withheld their ability to lift up another when they are down just because it was uncomfortable or hard to do.

Let’s all pray that never happens!

For the sake of today’s blog I really would hope we can all set these extreme scenarios off to the side and simply examine the amazing benefits this practice of ‘sitting with pain‘ can offer.

It can be scary and stressful to be in pain – whether physical or emotional – the experience is generally not a pleasant one, right?

Of course, there can be a bit of an debate around which type more severe and why but, for today I’m going to be focusing on the big picture, including about both types and referring to them interchangeably along with other similes like discomfort, unease, stress.

I’m not trying to belittle the nuances or brush details under the rug – I understand the very personal aspects of each kind of ‘pain’ and I realize that in itself, each type is a world of knowledge and working, triggers and inflammatory reactions. Therefore I’m hoping to avoid as much of that by pulling back and observing the entire thing from the Creator Mindset.

If I totally lost you there, no worries, we are all on different levels and paths along this journey here – I’m merely suggesting that we all attempt to detach our emotional minds as much as possible from our own wounds or preconceptions and see if we can’t find some value in the hard parts of life.

Sometimes, when we’re in pain of some kind already, the last thing we want to hear is talk about the eternal journey or metaphors about taking things one step at a time. The reminder of the very real possibility that there might not be an end to this can be very frightening for many of us – especially those of us who are stuck in a series of unfulfilling and discomforting events that get jumbled together into a negative vibration and perspective of life in general.

And, yet another layer of fear is underneath this still – and that is their initial refusal to own their own power; a refusal to accept their One Truth: you create your own reality, you choose your emotions and feelings which in turn creates your direct experience in each moment.

Accepting your role in your pain is such a huge first step. I know, from my own experience, as soon as was able to wrap my head around the concept that I was contributing and consenting to my chronic disease, migraines, and general unhappiness I started to grasp the role I was committing to. I started to realize how many opportunities I had missed because I refused to acknowledge the power I held over my own body’s well-being.

It really was a self worth/sovereignty misunderstanding for me. I see it with so many and I think a majority of us are trapped in low vibrations due to misdirection of sovereign worth. If you accept your life here as the ultimate gift, a blessing and a burden all at once but a miraculous one all the same – you can start to appreciate your personal story and path here.

Accepting your self as is, and feeling worthy of a good life is crucial. If you choose, you can even soothe your “inner child” or “ego” with this underlying truth. We are all here, just the same as everyone, birthed and living here in this realm at this time and because of that mere truth we bestow a life its full value.

Having a baseline emotion of gratitude and acceptance in the present moment can bring in huge shifts to your mental state and reduce stress dramatically. The reduction of mental stress combined with the grounding practice of mindfulness will result in less tension in the body. Less tension held within the body is immediately felt as comfort, ease, a loosening or relaxation.

I swear 80% of my migraines were stress induced. I did not even realize the enormous amount of tension I had been constantly holding in my face, neck and shoulders until I felt the effects of it loosening.

Once you begin to reduce stressors or respond differently to them, you will feel the difference, too!

This small changes can kick start a healing journey, if you’re ready, that is. Utilizing these simple techniques can be super empowering because you start to feel the difference. Once you get a taste of really feeling alive you will want to keep experiencing it.

So many are locked into a negative state of submissive acceptance of their “pain” and discomfort. They accept dull lives full of never ending sickness. It’s very strange how humans get stuck in a loop like that, and I’m speaking from experience here – I was content circling around my repeated faults, hosting a pity party at the blink of an eye if anyone showed the slightest interest in attending. Allowing myself to wallow in my sorrows and waste my precious moments in a lethargic state of reverie – I was the ultimate victim of circumstance for many years; until I chose to release those misconceptions and chains.

For me, my journey with sitting through pain began young – I was gymnast as a child/adolescent and if there’s one skill steadily ground into the being of every gymnast it’s that of enduring pain and discomfort, with as little expression as possible. A drastic flinch in your face is a deduction.

Not only was I desensitized through physical exertion and the pushing of my body to its limits; but I also became emotionally detached as well – for a multitude of reasons I won’t get into here and now.

By the time I was a teenager I had broke, sprained, dislocated, fractured and hyper-extended all types of body parts. I’d had multiple surgeries and even slept over night with a broken leg. I was in constant state of inflammation and my joints all ached. I was “diagnosed” with juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. I had headaches and stomachaches. The list of ailments was ever changing and seemingly endless.

Enduring pain became something I did 24/7. The days when I actually felt good became less and less. Even with all that, it still took me another decade to finally say enough is enough. It had to culminate in an absolute health crisis for me to take charge.

When you can finally get to the place where you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, then and only then are you ready your path to healing. When you finally let go of all expectations, all hope for control of the outcome, all desire to change how its played out up til now… then you can consent to healing, now you claim your sovereign worth and step into your light.

Owning your worth, value and life here and now is how we endure through. Perseverance comes from an ultimate knowing that your place here matters, your experience is valid and unique and that your perspective and opinions add to the collective whole of humanity and in extension the universe’s path back to Oneness, to the One Creator – the Before, whatever you choose to call it.

If you can empower yourself with these truths and accept them as the foundation of unconditional love, then it becomes easier to accept pain for what it is; a warning, a red flag, a removal or exit of some toxin or maybe a stagnant collection of negative energies/emotions calling to be untangled/released.

When we pull back the outer layers and resist the urge to immediately fight pain we learn to remove our minds from the sensations and with that comes a new perspective and notion: I have power over my body, my being and how I feel in the present moment. When you feel empowered you’re able to withstand more stressors, pain or discomfort. As you build your mental pain muscles, you will start to learn a few things about pain:

Pain has a purpose. It plays unending roles in one’s life and wears infinite masks in the show. Unlock the value, lesson or worth hiding within the pain and see it’s hold over you dissipate.

Pain is cyclic – it rises and falls. There’s a peak and a trough. If you can ride the highest wave of it, you will come down the side, you will sense a decline. It will come, if you allow it. It may be slight or barely perceptible at first; the screaming may just turn to groans or sobs but nothing lasts forever. We tend to cling to that phrase as a way to poison good times and feelings – however why don’t we allow ourselves more freedom and widely apply this Truth?

Pain deepens our appreciation for health, wellness and feeling good. Pain adds definition to our personal relationships and sharpens our experience here. It short, it adds value.

Pain will always be a part of this 3D realm. No matter how much “work” we do, how much light you bring in, how great the ups feel – while you are residing in the realm of existence you had been accept that some version of pain stimulus is making its way into your field. Avoidance is not the goal. Immediate assessment and action are the goals – those are the true skills we’re working to perfect here.

A majority of people have this false pretense that their desired outcomes contain only positive feelings and good times. These people generally feel ‘love’ is supposed to always feel “good”, too. Especially in our parents and/or guardians, this approach of ignorance has created a serious issue with the newer generations – no limit to feel good options and a quick detour or remedy for any “bad” options. The capacity level for endurance, perseverance and resoluteness are diminishing faster than the current birth rates. Humanity is headed for the “hard times” part of the cycle.

And that is why I’ve decided to start a little segment on this topic of sitting with pain.

I’ve been practicing this skill for a while and I feel many will benefit from exposing themselves to their pain but it is very difficult to explain and write about; especially in one sitting. There are so many angles to it.

I titled this blog “toughen up, buttercup” because it’s a phrase that I used to assume was an insult – a way to exploit weakness as well as impose control over the situation by instructing someone to behave in the way you want. I found it insulting and infringing. It imposes a natural negatively charged response and so creates a self serving energetic loop which the speaker of the phrase is energized by the “victim”.

But now, I see the underlying current of actual love and wellness which flows from this piece of advice.

Tough love is such an undervalued flavor of unconditional love. It gets clogged up and confused with neglect or indifference. It’s similar to temperance being distorted into frugality or patience into the enabling doormat. These tendencies for collecting extra charges around terms/ideas/words and flocking to the most extreme outcome is really an unfortunate normality for so many at this time. It’s self preservation in action. Deflecting solutions, even those that are beneficial to the self’s soul journey because the distortions are so heavy around certain words for some.

When I finally had the nerve to prescribe myself some ‘tough love’ instead of dulling it with meds, I started to accept my role in my pain and I stopped shrinking back from it. I began to examine it, and I wanted to actually try to understand where it was coming from and how I could heal it this time.

The times when I was in pain – instead of trying to change it, I just felt it in the moment and sought to ride it out, reminding myself to ‘Toughen up, Buttercup.’

In my next blog (and maybe podcast – check my out on spotify if you enjoy those!) I’m going to attempt to introduce an outline of some methods of coping with pain naturally and experiences I’ve found to assist in sitting with pain.

Thank you so much for reading today and if you are in pain now, please don’t be ashamed or afraid to feel it, examine it, share it with others even! This is not an invite to send out pity party invites or post on a social media site a dramatic statement to attract sympathy. What I am suggesting is an honest appraisal of your current feelings and if they are highly negative, oppressing, suffocating, or compressing you in such a way that you feel totally overwhelmed then please speak up and reach out for help, but be transparent with your needs and actually be willing to take hold of the hand reaching down to help you up. You must really want the best solutions for yourself first before you create any solutions.

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