This is a personal post which I’m writing as inspiration to help myself call in the Light again.
Usually I keep this type of writing private because I have a wobbly way of sorting through things and generally prefer to ride out in peace & quiet – alone; without worry of being watched or critiqued, while I deal with my rebounds.
This cyclic patterning has been a huge obstacle in my own story this time around and in my past I’ve struggled deeply with keeping a hold of my mental facilities during these transitional times in the cycles. The academia world and their obsession with labels would slap some diagnosis prognosis onto me, of course – such is the way of foolery.
However, I am not a fool and therefore I see with real eyes the truth of the matter – this life is an eternal practice of energetic alchemy and we Humans are not ‘masters’. We are simply students, learning through doing. My body vessel is out of balance at the present moment because it follows a cyclic harnessing of polarities through catalyst and dynamic responses – much more than simply electrical/chemical reactions; our fields and vessels encompass a layering of multidimensional “bodies” in a variety of measurable and immeasurable ways and it is infinitely intelligent. The energetic cycles of mental, emotional, physiological states are not mistakes or malfunctions. They are the great work of balancing in action.
Previously I could be tricked. I allowed the magic-medical show to be presented and I’d become fully engulfed in its illusions. I would feel my logical mind step in and circumvent my heart’s truth. The “mind” pops in with SO many explanations, theories, reasonings, right?
These are assumptions – actually when you honestly and truthfully look at it. We each choose which assumptions to believe and they tell us what/how to think and feel; that in turn creates our personal experience of that moment and in extension your near future and then probability of polarity tells us the distant future will be aligned in a similar direction. If you don’t understand that fully yet, it’s OK, just try to imagine reclaiming your power and having unconditional love for yourself – that’s the starting point for remembering your heart center.
In my more recent past and present, thanks to my attention and dedication to positive self growth and evolution, I’ve been able to quiet that know-it-all inside and rely on listening to my heart center’s whisper more and more.
Once I began to create a safe, quiet place within myself through meditation, yoga and breath work I was able to leave room for that quiet in my regular everyday moments. That was when my heart started speaking loud enough that I knew what it was; and I was also humbled enough to truly listen.
Through this new space of communication I continue to find ever changing new and uniquely intricate ways to hear my heart’s song and respond to it. The practice has been solely beneficial and changed my life dramatically.
But still, I do feel so much old programming triggered each time I approach this change in the tides between shadow and light work.
Each time I approach the ‘event horizon’ of my shadow work cycle and my energy levels are getting low I tend to dig in deeper, or overload myself and push on – telling myself I have to keep going or I can take on more, or it’s not that bad or overwhelming yet so I should do more.
Also, I tend to watch, look into, or research more negatively aligned topics because I’m ‘already there’ basically while I’m assessing my personal shadow – so then I get into the collective’s; the mainstream, offshoots of conspiracies sometimes. I pick up an even heavier negative polarity obviously, which then I have to light my way out of – on top of the personal world shadows, of course.
Another unfortunate side effect of this event horizon switch is the need to witness solutions, changes, sum it up, make it worth while in the shadows and so I look for direct world affects immediately. This comes in a variety of shades and flavors. I could feel like I haven’t put forth enough content, or effort, or purpose, I could have uncomfortable issues within personal relationships and I pick at them on purpose to force some kind of disruption instead.
It can be easy to slip into any of these ‘old habit’ programs and dive deeper into the darkness when I should be rising for a rest, which is why I’ve begun to infuse the event horizon with some moderate light work.
Typically I would unconsciously listen to that program and run it but in order to so, I’d have to spend a ton of effort just on decompressing and realigning my thoughts each day to try to even stay near the positive side of the spectrum. That kind of upkeep becomes exhausting but I felt that it’s only near collapse, implosion or drastic event that one should give up. This is a dangerous program which I’ve recently realized is plaguing me. My soul’s knowledge understands the cycles and my mind’s eye sees the work but there are ties of some sort, which harness me to this lower realm, stuck in a service loop.
Presently, I’m hearing my heart’s whisper that the tank is getting low and I’m consciously pulling in more Light and choosing to prepare myself to revoke service to the shadow, for now.
It feels awkward to bring in Light and positivity when my angle has been focused down into shadow work and more negatively aligned topics as of late. But I know within my soul that this is right, it’s what is needed right now for me – well for the past few days actually.
I know many people out there have similar difficulties and so I thought this time around I would document and talk through the ways I pull myself together and reignite the Light within my soul.
- Firstly: Reclaim or Remember your Sovereignty
- Mantras & Affirmations surrounding sovereign worth, self love, purpose, Oneness
- Prayer, Meditation, Spiritual Reflection
- Focusing on feeling positive energy, Khundalini, bliss, divine essence of creation
- Connect with Source, God, Higher Self, Angels, Ancestors
- Gratitude for my role within the big picture
- Next: Do a few small things, here & there, that you enjoy – just for you! Even if you feel like you don’t have the time or don’t “feel like it” (here’s a few quickies I like to add in at this time)
- Listen to music while doing the dishes/cleaning/writing
- Color, paint, doodle or draw
- Sit outside and enjoy nature
- Play a game with my sons
- More yoga, going for walks/hikes, runs
- Take every opportunity for naps, baths and hugs
- Go through old photos, look at baby pictures, reread an old favorite book
- Watch uplifting, inspiring videos
- Divert my research motivations towards health and healing or metaphysical things
- Then: Once you steadier and a bit strong it’s time to reassess the shadow work you’ve been doing and prepare yourself for closing the work cycle
- Is it beneficial? Do you feel better or worse about this shadow
- Is it internal, part of your direct world or external?
- Has the shadow(s) responded – was there transmutation or distortion?
- Is there any area in which you can provide honest service to others where you’re digging at?
- What have you learned? Are you grateful?
- Is it time to revoke consent of service for now?
- Finally: Revoke consent of service to the shadow
- Hold gratitude for the shadow and the contrasts, definition it has provided you
- If needed, remind it you will return to offer light/love again another time
- can also be helpful to communicate to the shadow aspect that Source is ever present and always ready to answer its call for assistance, if they should choose to ask when you are gone
- Pull back and make the conscious decision to let the shadows rest for now
- Cleanse and clear your energetic body in a way that best fits the situation and energies
- Realign to positive light work