I’m writing this quick blog to start mapping out a better way to approach communication.

Most people known when they’ve got something to say, and these days we’ve been pushed to think we must have an opinion on everything and also that we must share it with everyone – however, listening has been strategically converted to a task we can only handle if the words are pleasing, sensitive, cautious and feel nice. This has caused a major disease within the social complex as a whole.

Most people don’t even realize that in order to ever be fully listened to by another, you must first offer your own self up to truly listening.

To really listen to someone else takes a certain openness and acceptance that can be difficult to imagine unless you start working with self love and acceptance. I’m sure everyone can see what I’m getting at here, there’s a difference between listening with your ears and listening with your heart.

I’m hoping this article and all future explorations will help to shift the gears and align more people with honest communication that comes from the heart and is positively oriented towards service to the other person you’re actually listening to.

If we start off all our conversations and interactions from a common ground of mutual sovereign respect it creates a clear space of working where all involved feel comfortable, seen, heard, and valued as their own individual contribution to the collective group or team, pair, whatever.

My thoughts on this topic have really started to develop and take shape thanks to the wonderful Circle Project I’ve been lucky enough to be a part of for over a year now. This commitment to communion and witnessing has opened a door to such deeper community feelings and brought into my life a sense of deep belonging and purpose.

What is The Circle Project – you might be asking?

Well, not to divert too far or turn this into an advertisement – but, the Circle Project is a newly created group dedicated to taking time to sit and be witnessed. It was birthed from the most magical mind of one of my favorite mentors, Sarita Sol. Using her shamanic knowledge, meditation techniques and healing gifts she has worked with many to build a beautiful community of meditaters, light workers, healers and all sorts of others who come together at least once a month (if not more!) to speak and be heard – to witness and be witnessed. She creates a sacred circle of sharing where people come to release and support others in their work as well.

Being a part of this type of community has opened my eyes to how important this kind of communion really is. When I look out at the world around me; at my neighbors, friends, family – I see so many who are desperate to be heard but refuse to listen. If only they could slow down and allow space for listening then others would do the same in return and they could finally feel understood.

The dire need for instant gratification has left many too lazy to make serious commitments. The absolute blindness to real diversity, individuality, value has stuffed so many into artificially constructed stereotypical boxes which now are unacceptable to question or deny. You get what you ask for in this universe. That is clear.

Those who are able to see with clarity (because they practice the art of listening) can tell straight away the truth of energetic exchanges, of building polarity and manifesting your world – it’s all frequency resonance. When you are putting out a tone of refusal, denial, ignorance, blindness then you must accept that you will be confronted with others who refuse, deny or are blind to you and your needs.

Once people hear that fact and can listen to their hearts – they generally start making huge progress with their personal journey. Having the space, patience and motivation to practice listening is where the real work comes in. The greatest thing is, once you accept the practice you have immediate and unlimited opportunities to hone the skill because you interact with others all day everyday, (for the most part – and yes, I know there are extenuating circumstances. This is another aspect of a problematic listener – they jump to conclusions straight away, trying to insert their assumptions into the others mind and control their ideas to make them see it how they do. If you’re butting in side comments while listening or reading, then know this is a flag for you to go back and work on later.)

If you are willing and able to practice the art of listening then here’s some bullet points to get you started:

• Start inside. Examine these questions at a comfortable pace and depth:
  • Do you have aspects of yourself which you feel unable to listen to?
    • Why – dramatic, victim, abusive, overly critical, painful, shameful, guilty?
  • Are there any pieces/personalities that cause immediate interference?
    • Identify where/who the informational inputs come from
      • the ego, the inner child, the wounded victim, the guardian, overseer
  • Do you hold any strong ideologies?
    • Do these create ripples of conflict within yourself or with others?
    • Do you feel responsible for others belief structures or ideologies?
    • Are you convinced you are right or hold the upper hand in some way – do you think you have more insight, knowledge or data than another and therefore you must share it?
  • Are you in desperate need of forgiveness, release, support or redemption?
    • Working to understand these things are never given to us by another is the first step
    • Finding them inside, for yourself and feeling around to discover what needs healing, why, how much, etc. are all crucial jobs to do before you will ever be able to accept them honestly and openly from others
    • Have you been wronged or done wrong? Trauma comes in all shapes and sizes, time and time again. Find comfort in knowing you are not alone and that your suffering will only last as long as you decide it so – as soon as you choose to feel better, you will! How shallow or ignorant you may be thinking, but believe me my depth of knowing this fact has come at a high price. I speak from experience and through hard lessons.
• Learn your listening style, your strengths and weaknesses
  • what do you enjoy talking about
  • when do your eyes glaze over
  • are you jumping to conclusions while listening?
    • Waiting to just speak your own piece?
    • Critiquing their opinion, sound, look or mannerism
    • Off in your own imagination planning or dreaming
  • who do you look forward to talking with – who or what topic do you dread?
• Practice empathy and acceptance for who the other person/people
  • Put yourself in their shoes as much as you can while listening
  • Try to imagine what their unique perspective is and hear them from that angle
  • Hear not only the words they are choosing to speak but also remember where their understandings and assumptions come from – those notions have an added filter on their vocabulary and presentation. Allow that, see it for what it is and empathize with them
• Work to set aside your personal opinion and feelings while you listen to others
  • this enables you to listen without bias of your own preconceived thoughts
  • this doesn’t mean you cannot pick right back up after listening and hold all your ideas, beliefs again – you don’t have to cast aside and refute your ideologies to listen and contemplate another person’s alternate belief
  • Remember each conversation is not a competition, it’s a partnership – a space of sacred communion between two or more creator beings. Respect the other as such.
• Ask questions to actually receive the special, unique answer that person is able to provide
  • not for assessment, not to criticize or accuse, demean or humiliate

I hope these starter points can help to break into a new social norm where we actually listen to one another. I do plan to discuss this topic in more depth in the future. I want to explore the bumps in the road I encounter in my everyday life while practicing these things – as well as more tips on things that have worked or blew up in my face!

If you’re doing something similar in your life, I’d love to hear what your experiences have been like! If you’re struggling on a certain issue and you’d like an outsider’s opinion, feel free to share that and I’ll give my best advice!

If The Circle Project sounds like something you’d be interested in you can learn more about it by either clicking on the in-text links above or by visiting www.thecircleproject.org

If you’re interested in Sarita’s work please be sure to check out her amazing youtube channel or visit her patreon here.